OK, so here is the Math for Week 4. Hope to keep this up for the next few weeks, but I do have a job. And, as always, I hate the Patriots and love the Colts. So no hate mail.
Here we go.
Sal Bonpensiero (from the Sopranos) + Jenna Jameson's + Tom Brady = Big Pussies (Seriously, Tom Brady asking for that foul on the Suggs hit made me hate him. So does the fact that he is a champion and fucks one of the hottest women ever.)
black holes + Dirt Devil vacuums + a Kardashian on a first date with a professional athlete = things that don't suck as hard as Jamarcus Russell
Manning + 4 wins + Manning + 4 wins + Saints + 4 wins = Archie Manning with a rock hard boner
Eli + pain = Eli - pain (When that kid shows an emotion, please let me know)
Tampa - a football team = Tampa right now
Brett Favre + motivation = wow
1 sissy + 1 sissy + 1 sissy + 1 sissy + 1 sissy = The Green Bay Packers offensive line
a maniac + steroids + cocaine = Jared Allen
The Bengals + a winning record = confusion...is it 2012 already? Does the world end tomorrow?
Hitler + Stalin - compassion - class = Eric Mangini
Hitler + Stalin - compassion - class + amazing coaching skill = Bill Belichick
Garcon + Collie + Brown = a smile on NFL Math's face
LT (the real one) + Ray Lewis circa 2000 = Patrick Willis right now...damn!!!
a douchebag nose + douchebag eyes + a douchebag mouth = Jay Cutler
a great team - a nose tackle - a defensive coordinator = the grease fire known as the Tennessee Titans
a sneaky good QB + a bowling ball RB + surprising spunk = The Jacksonville Jaguars
a man updating a resume + a man putting up his house for sale + a man breaking the news that they are moving to his family = Jim Zorn
52 teammates + all his coaches + the media + his parents + Obama + the tooth fairy = things that will soon be thrown under a bus by Terrell Owens
Vinnie Chase's face - constant ball washing (at least this week) = Mark Sanchez
Forrest Gump with a head set + Brett Favre with a spagetti arm + a man whose plastic surgery is starting to make him look like Joan Rivers - discipline - a defense that cares + good running backs = The Dallas Cowboys
sticking a rusty nail through your dick + fucking Amy Winehouse without a condom + new Coke = better ideas than throwing back to back passes to a receiver covered by Champ Bailey. I MEAN, REALLY, TONY!!!! REALLY!!!!!!!!
a running back - all his talent = LaDainian Tomlinson right now
a running back + a swift kick in the ass from his coach + a great game = Rashard Mendenhall...Tomlin is pretty cool
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Week 7 Math
Here are the Equations for Week 7
Cheating during games + Cheating on his wife + Snubbing former employees + Treating the media like shit + Running up the score every week = The epitome of class, Mr. Bill Belichick
Randy Moss + Double Coverage = Two TDs...I mean, seriously, that second one was incredible
The Miami Dolphins + Their play the first 7 weeks of the season = Deportation to England...wait, that was planned!?! The English actually have to pay money to see these guys play?!?! Oh well, it makes up for us getting David "my pussy hurts" Beckham. All in all, a fair trade.
Tom Coughlin + His stupid ass face = Deportation to England...wait, that was planned, too!?! AND THEY'RE GOING TO LET HIM BACK IN THE COUNTRY?!?! No wonder the terrorists are winning, we can't control our borders!
Tom Coughlin + His coaching + The Giants record = NFL Math hating to be wrong
Sack + Sack + Sack + Sack + Sack = The Giants D Line...they get after it, and NFL Math is impressed!
A guy dressed like one of the Village People raping a guy dressed like Jesus in a church while Michael Jackson and 50 young boys kill puppies = A sight less offensive than the 49ers and Rams Offenses
A Paper towel + A baby bunny rabbit + David Beckham = Things tougher than Shaun Alexander...and what does that tell you about the Rams since they lost to his team by 27 points
The Warren Commission Report on the assassination of JFK + The US rationale for going to war in Iraq + Cigarette companies saying nicotine is not addictive + The Baltimore Ravens being considered a good team = The Biggest Frauds in American History
Reggie Bush + Toughness = A Surprise
The Saints + A second straight win = A bigger Surprise
The Falcons + The players and fans not literally murdering that cunt Petrino yet = The biggest surprise
Being named Bobby Petrino = Being a Cunt
Kurt Warner + Another Injury + 2 INTS + Another Loss = God moving on to someone else
John Kitna + 16 of 20 + Another win = And that someone else is John Kitna
Redskins + Their offense = No chance against The Cheaters
Titans vs. Texans + Steelers vs. Broncos = The only decent games last weekend...what a depressing pile of shit we had to sit through
Bourbon + The Kentucky Derby + Muhammad Ali + Rob Bironas (The guy who kicked 8 FGs including the game winner for the Titans) + The writer of NFL Math = Proof that everything from Louisville is awesome
Bobby Petrino = Proof that everything that abandons Louisville is a cunt
Voodoo + A pact with Satan + slipping ruffies into the other team's pregame meals = Possible explanations on how the shitty KC Chiefs keep winning
Letdown + Licking wounds = Cowboys performance last weekend against the Vikings
Adrian Peterson + Only 12 rushing attempts + Asking Tarvaris Jackson to win the game = Does Petrino coach the Vikings? Childress is a fucking moron!!
Peterson right + Peterson left + Peterson up the middle + screen pass to Peterson + pass to Peterson in the flat = The only plays I would ever call with this Vikings team. SERIOUSLY, CHILDRESS IS A FUCKING MORON!!!!!
Denver + A win + A decent performance against a pretty good team = A sneaking suspicion that a few Rockies players suited up for the Broncos during their 3 month layoff between MLB playoff series to stay sharp...That's the only explanation for this win
Shit + Crap = The Eagles vs. The Bears
Diarrhea + A bloody stool sample = The Jets vs. The Bengals
AND NOW FOR MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK
Toughness + Efficiency + Consistency + Confidence = The defending Superbowl Champion Colts
Newton + John + Reggie + Fountains of = Kick Ass Waynes
Global Warming after Gore got on his soap box + Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" + The Colts after they kicked the shit out of a good Jacksonville team = Things that won't be ignored anymore
Patriots + Colts = Seriously, Does any other team in the NFL even have a chance of winning the Superbowl?
LOOK AT IT
Dungy + Belichick = The only coaches in the game today who don't out-think themselves...except for Jeff Fisher most weeks
Manning + Brady = The only QBs who can actually play...because
The Patriots O Line + The Colts O line = The only units that actually give their QBs time to throw
The Colts skill players + The Patriots skill players = The only ones without any holes in their lineups
TWO WEEKS TILL THE SHOWDOWN!!! Till Next Time
Cheating during games + Cheating on his wife + Snubbing former employees + Treating the media like shit + Running up the score every week = The epitome of class, Mr. Bill Belichick
Randy Moss + Double Coverage = Two TDs...I mean, seriously, that second one was incredible
The Miami Dolphins + Their play the first 7 weeks of the season = Deportation to England...wait, that was planned!?! The English actually have to pay money to see these guys play?!?! Oh well, it makes up for us getting David "my pussy hurts" Beckham. All in all, a fair trade.
Tom Coughlin + His stupid ass face = Deportation to England...wait, that was planned, too!?! AND THEY'RE GOING TO LET HIM BACK IN THE COUNTRY?!?! No wonder the terrorists are winning, we can't control our borders!
Tom Coughlin + His coaching + The Giants record = NFL Math hating to be wrong
Sack + Sack + Sack + Sack + Sack = The Giants D Line...they get after it, and NFL Math is impressed!
A guy dressed like one of the Village People raping a guy dressed like Jesus in a church while Michael Jackson and 50 young boys kill puppies = A sight less offensive than the 49ers and Rams Offenses
A Paper towel + A baby bunny rabbit + David Beckham = Things tougher than Shaun Alexander...and what does that tell you about the Rams since they lost to his team by 27 points
The Warren Commission Report on the assassination of JFK + The US rationale for going to war in Iraq + Cigarette companies saying nicotine is not addictive + The Baltimore Ravens being considered a good team = The Biggest Frauds in American History
Reggie Bush + Toughness = A Surprise
The Saints + A second straight win = A bigger Surprise
The Falcons + The players and fans not literally murdering that cunt Petrino yet = The biggest surprise
Being named Bobby Petrino = Being a Cunt
Kurt Warner + Another Injury + 2 INTS + Another Loss = God moving on to someone else
John Kitna + 16 of 20 + Another win = And that someone else is John Kitna
Redskins + Their offense = No chance against The Cheaters
Titans vs. Texans + Steelers vs. Broncos = The only decent games last weekend...what a depressing pile of shit we had to sit through
Bourbon + The Kentucky Derby + Muhammad Ali + Rob Bironas (The guy who kicked 8 FGs including the game winner for the Titans) + The writer of NFL Math = Proof that everything from Louisville is awesome
Bobby Petrino = Proof that everything that abandons Louisville is a cunt
Voodoo + A pact with Satan + slipping ruffies into the other team's pregame meals = Possible explanations on how the shitty KC Chiefs keep winning
Letdown + Licking wounds = Cowboys performance last weekend against the Vikings
Adrian Peterson + Only 12 rushing attempts + Asking Tarvaris Jackson to win the game = Does Petrino coach the Vikings? Childress is a fucking moron!!
Peterson right + Peterson left + Peterson up the middle + screen pass to Peterson + pass to Peterson in the flat = The only plays I would ever call with this Vikings team. SERIOUSLY, CHILDRESS IS A FUCKING MORON!!!!!
Denver + A win + A decent performance against a pretty good team = A sneaking suspicion that a few Rockies players suited up for the Broncos during their 3 month layoff between MLB playoff series to stay sharp...That's the only explanation for this win
Shit + Crap = The Eagles vs. The Bears
Diarrhea + A bloody stool sample = The Jets vs. The Bengals
AND NOW FOR MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WEEK
Toughness + Efficiency + Consistency + Confidence = The defending Superbowl Champion Colts
Newton + John + Reggie + Fountains of = Kick Ass Waynes
Global Warming after Gore got on his soap box + Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" + The Colts after they kicked the shit out of a good Jacksonville team = Things that won't be ignored anymore
Patriots + Colts = Seriously, Does any other team in the NFL even have a chance of winning the Superbowl?
LOOK AT IT
Dungy + Belichick = The only coaches in the game today who don't out-think themselves...except for Jeff Fisher most weeks
Manning + Brady = The only QBs who can actually play...because
The Patriots O Line + The Colts O line = The only units that actually give their QBs time to throw
The Colts skill players + The Patriots skill players = The only ones without any holes in their lineups
TWO WEEKS TILL THE SHOWDOWN!!! Till Next Time
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
NFL Math - Week 6
Here are the equations
The Colts + The Steelers = The only teams that have a chance against the Cheaters
TO + his post game comments saying the Patriots weren't the best team = delusion
Wade Phillips + Decision to always rush 5 people at Brady and the best O line in football right now leaving his fucking shitty secondary one on one with those receivers = DELUSION (in caps cause it is that stupid!)
Pasadena streets after all those horses pass during the Rose Parade + A cow pasture + A newborn baby's diaper = The only thing shittier than the Rams
The Saints + Reggie Bush + his performance on Sunday night + a win = False hope
The Seahawks + Shaun Alexander + his performance on Sunday night + a loss = Real despair
Sucking a cock + planning to kill himself + crying himself to sleep + collecting unemployment = Things Bobby Petrino should be doing other than coaching an NFL team
Aliens landing in my bedroom + If I ever got to have sex with Charlize Theron + The Patriots NOT winning the Superbowl = The only things that would amaze me more than the fact that the Chiefs keep winning with that personnel
Sucking + Sucking + Sucking + Sucking = The Cincinnati Bengals
Running + efficient QB play + Tough ass defense + a dick head for a coach = The Jacksonville Jaguars (This team scares the crap out of me as a Colts fan. Monday night could be tough)
Why? + Why? + Why? + Why? = Seriously, it is the same fucking song every week, but WHY DO YOU KICK THE BALL TO HESTER!!!
Moves + Power + Speed - Durability = The newest star in the NFL, Adrian Peterson (This guy kicks ass!!)
No QB + a guy who looks like a molester as their coach = Why the Vikings will suck even with Peterson
TD + TD + TD + TD = Par for the course for LT vs. the Raiders
Sleeping Beauty + Snow White + A hibernating bear = Things that have awoken from their slumber like the Giants and Chargers
Coughlin coaching + Norv Turner coaching = Another guaranteed sleeping pill later on this season
Smoke + Mirrors + great corners = How Green Bay keeps winning
Running water + the light bulb + the airplane + the wheel = Things that weren't yet invented when Vinnie Testaverde started in the NFL
I mean seriously...
Tennessee + Tampa = zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..sorry, I just finally woke up from that piece of shit game
Not hiring Britney Spears as a baby sitter + not giving your credit card number to a Nigerian + benching Chad Pennington = No Brainers (unless you are the Mangenius apparently...I fear for his family)
Just crappy enough = The Philadelphia Eagles
Check back after the Monday Night game
Till next week
PS. FUCK THE CHEATERS!!!
The Colts + The Steelers = The only teams that have a chance against the Cheaters
TO + his post game comments saying the Patriots weren't the best team = delusion
Wade Phillips + Decision to always rush 5 people at Brady and the best O line in football right now leaving his fucking shitty secondary one on one with those receivers = DELUSION (in caps cause it is that stupid!)
Pasadena streets after all those horses pass during the Rose Parade + A cow pasture + A newborn baby's diaper = The only thing shittier than the Rams
The Saints + Reggie Bush + his performance on Sunday night + a win = False hope
The Seahawks + Shaun Alexander + his performance on Sunday night + a loss = Real despair
Sucking a cock + planning to kill himself + crying himself to sleep + collecting unemployment = Things Bobby Petrino should be doing other than coaching an NFL team
Aliens landing in my bedroom + If I ever got to have sex with Charlize Theron + The Patriots NOT winning the Superbowl = The only things that would amaze me more than the fact that the Chiefs keep winning with that personnel
Sucking + Sucking + Sucking + Sucking = The Cincinnati Bengals
Running + efficient QB play + Tough ass defense + a dick head for a coach = The Jacksonville Jaguars (This team scares the crap out of me as a Colts fan. Monday night could be tough)
Why? + Why? + Why? + Why? = Seriously, it is the same fucking song every week, but WHY DO YOU KICK THE BALL TO HESTER!!!
Moves + Power + Speed - Durability = The newest star in the NFL, Adrian Peterson (This guy kicks ass!!)
No QB + a guy who looks like a molester as their coach = Why the Vikings will suck even with Peterson
TD + TD + TD + TD = Par for the course for LT vs. the Raiders
Sleeping Beauty + Snow White + A hibernating bear = Things that have awoken from their slumber like the Giants and Chargers
Coughlin coaching + Norv Turner coaching = Another guaranteed sleeping pill later on this season
Smoke + Mirrors + great corners = How Green Bay keeps winning
Running water + the light bulb + the airplane + the wheel = Things that weren't yet invented when Vinnie Testaverde started in the NFL
I mean seriously...
Tennessee + Tampa = zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..sorry, I just finally woke up from that piece of shit game
Not hiring Britney Spears as a baby sitter + not giving your credit card number to a Nigerian + benching Chad Pennington = No Brainers (unless you are the Mangenius apparently...I fear for his family)
Just crappy enough = The Philadelphia Eagles
Check back after the Monday Night game
Till next week
PS. FUCK THE CHEATERS!!!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Week 5 Math
Sorry for the delay, but without further ado, here is Week 5 Math (including Monday Night)
Leprechauns + Horseshoes + 4 leaf clovers + George W Bush = The only things luckier than the Dallas Cowboys
INT + INT + INT + INT + INT + Lost Fumble + Another win = Tony Romo
A little girl wearing mittens + Edward Scissorhands = People who can catch the ball better than TO
A 53 yard field goal + another 53 yard field goal after a bullshit timeout = Suck it, Dick Jauron!
Bad coaching decision + Bad coaching decision + Bad coaching decision + Bad coaching decision + Bad coaching decision + Bad coaching decision = The Buffalo Bills coaching staff
Bad coaching decision + Bad life decisions + a cunt = Bobby Petrino
Alge Crumpler + rant against Petrino = Crumpler being the newest official favorite player of NFL Math
The Colts + injury + injury + injury + injury + injury = VICTORY, BITCHES!!!!
Dallas Clark + that hit he took = OUCH, that hit hurt me!
Patriots + Cowboys = Anyone who doesn't make it a point to see this game is not a real football fan
Brady + Romo = a lot of getting laid going on
Trent Green = a lot of getting laid out going on
Burress + injury = Better than every other receiver in the league without an injury...that guy is playing like a fucking man!
Nails + Brick Walls + Chevy Trucks + Stonehenge = The only things tougher than the Pittsburgh Steelers
An offensive touchdown by the niners + A victory by the Rams or Dolphins = Things that will never happen
That kid from Jerry McGuire + That kid from The Sixth Sense + That kid from Little Miss Sunshine = People who look more mature than Jake Cutler
Ego + Ego + Ego + No talent to work with = Mike Shanahan
Ego + Ego + Ego + Talent to work with = Bill Belichick
Stallone in Over the Top + Popeye + Brett Favre in the mid 90s = The only people with stronger arms than Jason Campbell. Have you seen this guy throw?
A newborn + Olive Oil + Frank Stallone = The only people with weaker arms than Chad Pennington...BENCH HIM!!!
Leinart getting hurt + Husband starting for rest of season = Brenda Warner's evil prayers to Satan being answered
The Jaguars + The Chiefs = boring football
A bad interception + bad clock namagement = Finally, Brett Favre shows his true colors!
A few good throws + only 1 INT + a good completion percentage + a win = The Chicago Bears QB for the 1st time since, oh, 1985
See you next week.
Leprechauns + Horseshoes + 4 leaf clovers + George W Bush = The only things luckier than the Dallas Cowboys
INT + INT + INT + INT + INT + Lost Fumble + Another win = Tony Romo
A little girl wearing mittens + Edward Scissorhands = People who can catch the ball better than TO
A 53 yard field goal + another 53 yard field goal after a bullshit timeout = Suck it, Dick Jauron!
Bad coaching decision + Bad coaching decision + Bad coaching decision + Bad coaching decision + Bad coaching decision + Bad coaching decision = The Buffalo Bills coaching staff
Bad coaching decision + Bad life decisions + a cunt = Bobby Petrino
Alge Crumpler + rant against Petrino = Crumpler being the newest official favorite player of NFL Math
The Colts + injury + injury + injury + injury + injury = VICTORY, BITCHES!!!!
Dallas Clark + that hit he took = OUCH, that hit hurt me!
Patriots + Cowboys = Anyone who doesn't make it a point to see this game is not a real football fan
Brady + Romo = a lot of getting laid going on
Trent Green = a lot of getting laid out going on
Burress + injury = Better than every other receiver in the league without an injury...that guy is playing like a fucking man!
Nails + Brick Walls + Chevy Trucks + Stonehenge = The only things tougher than the Pittsburgh Steelers
An offensive touchdown by the niners + A victory by the Rams or Dolphins = Things that will never happen
That kid from Jerry McGuire + That kid from The Sixth Sense + That kid from Little Miss Sunshine = People who look more mature than Jake Cutler
Ego + Ego + Ego + No talent to work with = Mike Shanahan
Ego + Ego + Ego + Talent to work with = Bill Belichick
Stallone in Over the Top + Popeye + Brett Favre in the mid 90s = The only people with stronger arms than Jason Campbell. Have you seen this guy throw?
A newborn + Olive Oil + Frank Stallone = The only people with weaker arms than Chad Pennington...BENCH HIM!!!
Leinart getting hurt + Husband starting for rest of season = Brenda Warner's evil prayers to Satan being answered
The Jaguars + The Chiefs = boring football
A bad interception + bad clock namagement = Finally, Brett Favre shows his true colors!
A few good throws + only 1 INT + a good completion percentage + a win = The Chicago Bears QB for the 1st time since, oh, 1985
See you next week.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Monday Night Math - Week 4
I hate the Cheaters! Here are the equations from Monday Night's game
Brady + Moss = Fucking scary
Belichick + sleeves = Never
Bengals + defense = Never
Injuries x Infinity = Pretty much every NFL team right now.
The season is starting to get serious, folks. Check back next week for more equations.
Brady + Moss = Fucking scary
Belichick + sleeves = Never
Bengals + defense = Never
Injuries x Infinity = Pretty much every NFL team right now.
The season is starting to get serious, folks. Check back next week for more equations.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Week 4 Math
The season is 1/4 over, and I think we are starting to see who is good. If the Colts, Patriots, or Cowboys don't win the Superbowl I will be shocked. So without further expert analysis, here is Week 4 Math
The Chicago Bears + Brian Griese at QB = The Chicago Bears + Rex Grossman at QB
The San Diego Chargers + Phillip Rivers at QB = The Chicago Bears + Rex Grossman at QB
Forrest Gump + Lennie from "Of Mice and Men" + Corky from "My So Called Life" = People smart enough not to kick the ball to Devin Hester...unlike the rest of the NFL
The San Diego Chargers - Marty + the misguided belief that Norv Turner can coach + a 1-3 record + an unhappy LT = Suck it, AJ Smith
Brett Favre + his play so far this year = Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated
Brett Favre + his play the rest of this year = We'll see...but I will admit that I made a bad call on his sucking, he looks really solid
Adrian Peterson - injury = Unanimous Offensive Rookie of the Year. This guy can play!
Romo + Owens + Barber + Witten + Crayton + a Healthy Terry Glenn - Bill Parcells = NFC Champion Dallas Cowboys
Dallas Cowboys + Julius Jones starting = WHY!?! Dallas O always struggles early, and this is the reason
Tony Romo + 4 weeks of kicking ass = People not bringing up the bobbled snap...except for NFL Math
9 million + 10 million + 14 million + 16 million + a 21 million dollar signing bonus = Romo's soon to be new contract
My love life + OJ Simpson + Britney Spears = things more pathetic than the AFC East - the Patriots
An exciting young coach + a solid defense + a strong running game + 2 straight wins = The Oakland Raiders...WAIT! DID I REALLY JUST WRITE THAT!?!?!?!
Mike Tomlin + a private detective friend in Hawaii who drives a Ferrari = TC from "Magnum, PI"
Ben Roethlisberger + his performance this week = I told you so
Warner + The revolving door at QB in AZ = A Big Fuck You to Leinert by his coaches...quit trying to fuck girls from "The Hills" and study film on your next opponent!!
Carolina + Their inconsistency + Them missing the playoffs...again = John Fox out + Bill Cowher in
The Baltimore Ravens + Their D giving up 27 points to the fucking Cleveland Browns = Billick's seat starting to get warm...and it's about goddamn time
My lunches from the 2nd to 4th grade + Groceries + Billy Martin with the Yankees = Things that have been sacked less times than Donovan McNabb was against the Giants
Super Dave Osbourne + An exasperated look on his face = Tom Coughlin
Bobby Petrino + 1 win in the NFL = 1 more win than that cunt deserves! Fuck you Houston! AND FUCK YOU PETRINO!!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!
DeAngelo Hall + last week's sideline tirade against Petrino = DeAngelo Hall being the official favorite player of NFL Math
Amelia Earhart + Chandra Levy = More likely to appear at an NFL game than the 49ers' offense
Trent Dilfer + his shitty decision making + his shitty QB skills = Wait...why isn't he playing for the Bears?
TD + TD + TD + FG + Kneel downs to end the game = Colts' 2nd half possessions
The above equation = A Happy NFL Math
Harrison hurt + Sanders hurt + Morris hurt + Addai hurt = An Unhappy NFL Math
Tampax + Victoria's Secret + New England Clam Chowder = The only products not currently endorsed by Peyton Manning
Dallas Clark + Joseph Addai = the new heart and soul of the Colts Offense
So that was the week in the NFL, talk to you after Monday Night's Bengals destruction at the hands of the Cheaters
The Chicago Bears + Brian Griese at QB = The Chicago Bears + Rex Grossman at QB
The San Diego Chargers + Phillip Rivers at QB = The Chicago Bears + Rex Grossman at QB
Forrest Gump + Lennie from "Of Mice and Men" + Corky from "My So Called Life" = People smart enough not to kick the ball to Devin Hester...unlike the rest of the NFL
The San Diego Chargers - Marty + the misguided belief that Norv Turner can coach + a 1-3 record + an unhappy LT = Suck it, AJ Smith
Brett Favre + his play so far this year = Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated
Brett Favre + his play the rest of this year = We'll see...but I will admit that I made a bad call on his sucking, he looks really solid
Adrian Peterson - injury = Unanimous Offensive Rookie of the Year. This guy can play!
Romo + Owens + Barber + Witten + Crayton + a Healthy Terry Glenn - Bill Parcells = NFC Champion Dallas Cowboys
Dallas Cowboys + Julius Jones starting = WHY!?! Dallas O always struggles early, and this is the reason
Tony Romo + 4 weeks of kicking ass = People not bringing up the bobbled snap...except for NFL Math
9 million + 10 million + 14 million + 16 million + a 21 million dollar signing bonus = Romo's soon to be new contract
My love life + OJ Simpson + Britney Spears = things more pathetic than the AFC East - the Patriots
An exciting young coach + a solid defense + a strong running game + 2 straight wins = The Oakland Raiders...WAIT! DID I REALLY JUST WRITE THAT!?!?!?!
Mike Tomlin + a private detective friend in Hawaii who drives a Ferrari = TC from "Magnum, PI"
Ben Roethlisberger + his performance this week = I told you so
Warner + The revolving door at QB in AZ = A Big Fuck You to Leinert by his coaches...quit trying to fuck girls from "The Hills" and study film on your next opponent!!
Carolina + Their inconsistency + Them missing the playoffs...again = John Fox out + Bill Cowher in
The Baltimore Ravens + Their D giving up 27 points to the fucking Cleveland Browns = Billick's seat starting to get warm...and it's about goddamn time
My lunches from the 2nd to 4th grade + Groceries + Billy Martin with the Yankees = Things that have been sacked less times than Donovan McNabb was against the Giants
Super Dave Osbourne + An exasperated look on his face = Tom Coughlin
Bobby Petrino + 1 win in the NFL = 1 more win than that cunt deserves! Fuck you Houston! AND FUCK YOU PETRINO!!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!
DeAngelo Hall + last week's sideline tirade against Petrino = DeAngelo Hall being the official favorite player of NFL Math
Amelia Earhart + Chandra Levy = More likely to appear at an NFL game than the 49ers' offense
Trent Dilfer + his shitty decision making + his shitty QB skills = Wait...why isn't he playing for the Bears?
TD + TD + TD + FG + Kneel downs to end the game = Colts' 2nd half possessions
The above equation = A Happy NFL Math
Harrison hurt + Sanders hurt + Morris hurt + Addai hurt = An Unhappy NFL Math
Tampax + Victoria's Secret + New England Clam Chowder = The only products not currently endorsed by Peyton Manning
Dallas Clark + Joseph Addai = the new heart and soul of the Colts Offense
So that was the week in the NFL, talk to you after Monday Night's Bengals destruction at the hands of the Cheaters
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