Week 4 Math

The season is 1/4 over, and I think we are starting to see who is good. If the Colts, Patriots, or Cowboys don't win the Superbowl I will be shocked. So without further expert analysis, here is Week 4 Math

The Chicago Bears + Brian Griese at QB = The Chicago Bears + Rex Grossman at QB

The San Diego Chargers + Phillip Rivers at QB = The Chicago Bears + Rex Grossman at QB

Forrest Gump + Lennie from "Of Mice and Men" + Corky from "My So Called Life" = People smart enough not to kick the ball to Devin Hester...unlike the rest of the NFL

The San Diego Chargers - Marty + the misguided belief that Norv Turner can coach + a 1-3 record + an unhappy LT = Suck it, AJ Smith

Brett Favre + his play so far this year = Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated

Brett Favre + his play the rest of this year = We'll see...but I will admit that I made a bad call on his sucking, he looks really solid

Adrian Peterson - injury = Unanimous Offensive Rookie of the Year. This guy can play!

Romo + Owens + Barber + Witten + Crayton + a Healthy Terry Glenn - Bill Parcells = NFC Champion Dallas Cowboys

Dallas Cowboys + Julius Jones starting = WHY!?! Dallas O always struggles early, and this is the reason

Tony Romo + 4 weeks of kicking ass = People not bringing up the bobbled snap...except for NFL Math

9 million + 10 million + 14 million + 16 million + a 21 million dollar signing bonus = Romo's soon to be new contract

My love life + OJ Simpson + Britney Spears = things more pathetic than the AFC East - the Patriots

An exciting young coach + a solid defense + a strong running game + 2 straight wins = The Oakland Raiders...WAIT! DID I REALLY JUST WRITE THAT!?!?!?!

Mike Tomlin + a private detective friend in Hawaii who drives a Ferrari = TC from "Magnum, PI"

Ben Roethlisberger + his performance this week = I told you so

Warner + The revolving door at QB in AZ = A Big Fuck You to Leinert by his coaches...quit trying to fuck girls from "The Hills" and study film on your next opponent!!

Carolina + Their inconsistency + Them missing the playoffs...again = John Fox out + Bill Cowher in

The Baltimore Ravens + Their D giving up 27 points to the fucking Cleveland Browns = Billick's seat starting to get warm...and it's about goddamn time

My lunches from the 2nd to 4th grade + Groceries + Billy Martin with the Yankees = Things that have been sacked less times than Donovan McNabb was against the Giants

Super Dave Osbourne + An exasperated look on his face = Tom Coughlin

Bobby Petrino + 1 win in the NFL = 1 more win than that cunt deserves! Fuck you Houston! AND FUCK YOU PETRINO!!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!

DeAngelo Hall + last week's sideline tirade against Petrino = DeAngelo Hall being the official favorite player of NFL Math

Amelia Earhart + Chandra Levy = More likely to appear at an NFL game than the 49ers' offense

Trent Dilfer + his shitty decision making + his shitty QB skills = Wait...why isn't he playing for the Bears?

TD + TD + TD + FG + Kneel downs to end the game = Colts' 2nd half possessions

The above equation = A Happy NFL Math

Harrison hurt + Sanders hurt + Morris hurt + Addai hurt = An Unhappy NFL Math

Tampax + Victoria's Secret + New England Clam Chowder = The only products not currently endorsed by Peyton Manning

Dallas Clark + Joseph Addai = the new heart and soul of the Colts Offense

So that was the week in the NFL, talk to you after Monday Night's Bengals destruction at the hands of the Cheaters