Week 2 Math

Richard Nixon + a headset = Bill Belichick

A cunt + a headset = Bobby Petrino

Bobby Petrino's 0-2 record + Tom Coughlin's 0-2 record = a happy me

Consistent play from Rex Grossman + Bears D = Superbowl Championship

Chance of getting consistent play from Rex Grossman = 0%

Norv Turner + Phillip Rivers = The reason San Diego will not win the Superbowl

Luck + a surprising defensive stand = A Colts victory against the Titans

Vince Young + 2 more years in the NFL - Mike Vick's posse = An NFL Superstar

Lendale White + 2 more value meals at McDonald's = Star Jones, pre surgery

7 returns for Touchdowns last year + the kick return in the Superbowl + yesterday's punt return = Devin Hester, the coolest guy in the NFL right now

Devin Hester - speed - instincts = Ted Ginn, Jr.

Arizona + Seattle + San Fransisco + St. Louis = 1 supremely crappy division

Black cats + Broken mirrors + Gypsy curses = The Oakland Raider's luck

A great drive + an interception + another great drive + another interception = Jake Cutler

Brett Favre + 3 TD passes = optimism, hey the guy might still have it!

Brett Favre + 3 TD passes + the fact that he did it against the Giants D = Oh yeah, Brett Favre still sucks my balls!

Brett Favre's swagger - any postseason wins - any real accomplishments = Tony Romo

TO + TD celebration + a few catches = Yawn

Wade Phillips - a few pounds + a sheriff's uniform + a hound dog = Roscoe P Coltrane

Shame + Anguish + Disbelief + lots more SHAME = Emotions you feel when losing to the Browns, Bucs, or Lions

Bill Clinton + Lindsay Lohan + Wilt Chamberlain = The only people who have scored more than the Browns and Bengals

Brian Billick's coaching career + Marvin Lewis' coaching career = Irony

A loud shriek + hysterical laughs + joyful singing = The sounds heard from the Fantasy football loser who actually drafted and started Jamal Lewis...It was only luck!

Michael Jackson - Dance Moves - Pedophelia - a monkey + slightly more football skills than he has right now = Tarvaris Jackson

Steve Smith + Health = unstoppable

Jake Delhomme + his 15th chance to prove himself = more of the same...look for Carr by week 8


Houston + another win = an interesting game for the Colts in Week 3

Chumbawumba + The Knack + Bill Ray Cyrus = One hit wonders...kinda like the Saints

Pittsburgh + another win against a shitty opponent = Nothing

New York Jets + Baltimore Ravens = Better than a sleeping pill

A Pussy + an expensive suit + a mouth on the cocks of the owners and coaches = Roger Goodell

Cheating + Tom Brady = Superbowls