Pre Game Math

Manning + Addai + Titans, Texans, and Jaguars = AFC South title for Colts by Dec 1

Colts D - a lot of players - a defensive player taken by the Colts before the 3rd round = Me crying in January cause we can't stop Urkel from getting 5 yards a carry

Dre Bly + Champ Bailey = Lots of passes thrown to tight ends by the Bronco's opponents

Inexperienced Cutler + Broncos crappy WRs = Lots of passes thrown to tight ends by the Broncos

Cowboys - Parcells + Phillips = A great coach with a shitty attitude being replaced by a shitty coach with a great attitude!

TO + quiet offseason - spotlight + Drew Rosenhaus = Oh, let's say by week 5 he'll be saying that he wishes Joe Namath was his QB instead of Romo

DWare + Wade Phillips schemes + a few illegal supplements = NFC's Shawn Merriman

Vikings + Peterson + Taylor + Moore = Wait, did our QB even attempt a pass in the 1st 3 weeks of the season?

Vikings + QB situation + fans = Let me get this straight, is our QB named Tito Jackson?

Texans + Schaub - Carr = Same shit, different QB

David Carr + Panthers + Jake Delhomme's inconsistentcy - the Shitty offensive line in Houston = Guarentee that David Carr has a better year than his namesake Lloyd Carr

Falcons - Vick + Harrington = 1st pick in NFL Draft 2008 (Brian Brohm)

Falcons + Brohm = FUCK YOU PETRINO YOU LYING BASTARD ASSHOLE!!!!!

Dogs - life + electricution + rape stand = Mike Vick learning what it is like to be someone's bitch

Steelers - Cowher + Tomlin = nothing cause Big Ben still sucks

Bengals + 88 days since last arrest = a new record

Browns + Brady Quinn + Joe Thomas = Irrelevant. The Browns will be as bad as Notre Dame is this year.

Arizona + optimism + Leinart + great receivers + new coach = Do I even have to say, 5-11, just like every year.

SF + Trendy pick to make the playoffs = a pissed off Seattle team that wants revenge and respect

Brady - Mohnayhan + baby + Giselle - freedom + media spotlight = Who cares about football or his baby, he has had his cock in Gisele's mouth!!!

Jets + Sopranos = Don Eric Mangini having Belichick whacked!

Rams + Lions + Dolphins + Bills + Titans + Raiders + Chiefs + Redskins = Not worth talking about

Ravens + McNair being a year older + D being a year older = I'm really not sure!

Grossman + pressure = my favorite football player in the world. Thank you Rex for the Superbowl. Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you!!!

Packers - Green + another year of Favre being Farve = Retire you old selfish bastard!!!

Chucky + Shit year for Bucs again this year + 5 years since Superbowl win = You are fired Chucky!! And you did it all with a team that Dungy built you coattail riding little gross faced geek!!

Panthers + pick to win NFC + Delhomme = Why won't we ever learn? This team is a bigger cocktease than either of the Olsen twins before they became legal!

Giants - Tiki + Eli growing some balls = Nothing because Coughlin is still the biggest douchebag in the league!

Football + Madden on TV = a guarentee than 8 stupid things will be said on TV tonight and Sunday night

Eagles + Owners + Reid = 11 wins, just like every other year

Saints = NFC Champs

Chargers = Superbowl Champs

That's all for now, bitches. Enjoy the football tonight, Sunday, and Monday. I'll be back in the middle of next week for more (and much funnier) NFL Math.