Week 1 Math - Thru Sunday

Here is this week's lesson. Check back on Tuesdays for Monday Night's Action.

Week 1

Jason David + new team + high stepping into endzone after fumble recovery = Toast burning

Marvin Harrison + age - toughness = A new #1 in Indy, Reggie Wayne

Colts D + healthy Bob Sanders = Decent D

Manning + Harrison + Wayne + Addai + Clark = Kick Ass O

Favre + McNabb = Old Shitty has beens

JP Losman + Phillip Rivers = New Shitty never will be(s)

Manning + Brady = Men among Boys

Mike Tomlin + Haircut + bad acting = Omar Epps

Roethlisberger - pressure in the pocket + playing against the Cleveland Browns = false sense of worth. He will betray you Pittsburg. Mark my words!

Bitterness + Despair - A reason to believe that anything will ever be good again = Every Cleveland Browns fan tonight

Broncos + field goals = Same old same old. Can't this team figure out an offensive rhythm and score some damn TDs?

16-13 = Score of Packers/Eagles = Score of Redskins/Dolphins = The score of every shitty SEC game I can remember

The dump you take after eating Taco Bell + a human form = Joey Harrington

The dump you take after eating Taco Bell + a human form - any shred of talent = Rex Grossman

Rivers throwing passes + Grossman throwing passes + LT throwing passes = Little doubt who the best QB in this group is

Notre Dame's offense + Michigan's defense = The 2007 Kansas City Chiefs

45 minutes into the first Bears game of the year + or - a few minutes = The amount of time it takes for Mike Brown to get injured and be out for the season

Mario Williams + 2 sacks + 5 tackles + TD = Absolute positive proof that not taking Bush or Young with the first pick was 100% the right decision...right?

Houston Texans + Tied for 1st Place this week = The best week of every Texans fan's life

Brady + Moss = Scary for Colt fans

Moss' ego + 15 remaining regular season games = Reassuring for Colt fans

Infinity + Infinity = Time Brady had in the pocket against the toothless Jets D line

Infinity x Infinity = Number of Erectile Dysfunction commercials I saw this weekend during football games. Are football fans all as impotent as the Jets D?

Justin Timberlake + Puppies + Richard Simmons = 3 things more threatening than the Tampa Bucs Offense

George Bush - relevance + belief that he is ruining the country + lame duck status = Tom Coughlin

78 yards passing + INT + Rushing TD = Mike Vick like stats that Vince Young had in a victory

Vince Young + off season attitude + sense of entitlement = If I'm a dog in the Nashville area I'm scared shitless cause this guy is going Vick on our asses!

Jacksonville - Leftwich + Garrard = The exact same inconsistent football team that we all know and are indifferent to. If the Jacksonville Jaguars disappeared off the face of the Earth, wouldn't it take 3 weeks before any NFL fan noticed?

NFL team - heart - talent - any sort of organizational skill = The Oakland Raiders

Detroit + 1 win = 1 more win than most of their fans thought they would have this season

Adrian Peterson + Daylight = Paydirt

Atlanta Falcons - Mike Vick + Joey Harrington = What that cunt Petrino deserves! I hate him and I hate his stupid ass face!!!

Tarvaris Jackson - a clue = Jason Campbell

Eagles punt returners - hands - common sense = Eagles punt returners on Sunday

Steven Jackson + game 1 performace = Playing at least 15 snaps next preseason

Carolina + Expectations = Failed Expectations

Wade Phillips + A CB radio = Extra in Smokey and the Bandit

Dallas Receivers + Giants D = Fire Coughlin chant at the Meadowlands or much entertainment for me

TO + 2 touchdowns / Randy Moss + 9 catches = Don't let us down Ocho Cinco!


Talk to You on Tuesday